(pitching my unwritten posts)

februarie 15, 2010

happy new year, people! well – it’s happy new chinese year by this time, but you know what i mean.

a vicious combination of busy+ lazy+  good weather+ impending changes vibe has unfortunately prevented me from ranting on here in 2010 so far. (i ranted in my diary instead – whatever works – also, haha, with good reason: you DO NOT  want to read that). but , before the ‘see you in montreal’ day, i’m thinking of trying this:

i’ll ‘pitch’ the things i would have written about, ~ twitter-length, for whoever is interested. and i promise to develop on them in a separate post each, but only upon request. (mmm actually very transparent way of checking who the hell is still reading this blog.)

okay: my topics.

1) again, why do we write? and, what to write about? addressing the impact ‘precious’ (the movie, and the sapphire book) has made on me, and tied in with dave eggers’ „what is the what”. how do artists as relatively privileged people get away with addressing painful issues from the point of view of the pained.

2) pro and anti olympics. yes, both. guilty and entertained, righteous and exploited and joyful and proud. lining up for free concerts, mouthing the canadian anthem. arguing about shane koczyan’s poem. attending protests, and blackout poetry projects, whatever that is. cheering for gold. ogling speed skaters.

3) sweet encounters – bacon cake, donut birthday cake, new year’s leftovers, bake sale as haiti benefit, and MUFFINS. desserts from the aching perspective of someone who finds it too hard to cook and too easy to overeat. obesity, balance, and having a good heart.

4) „i don’t care” is the most hurtful sentence in the english language. discussion, with concrete illustrations, and reflection upon how i use it to hurt others. possible translations/equivalences in romanian.

5) popcorn at the movies. this one’s about routines, cultural or otherwise. but mostly personal. how i laugh at others’ small addictions but i would freak out so fast to be deprived of mine. (on a second thought, i think it’s about that primarily: seeing a stranger’s tics with an unforgiving eye. the opposite of kindness – the opposite of topic 3)).

6) new place. moving out and moving in. testing squeaky floors:). plans for a new start, from wild hopes to resignation and back to color samples and garage sales. trying to sublet sight unseen. going with insight versus trying rationality. this is an ongoing ~thing and too close for comfort, but funny.

* walking on air as the most (over)used metaphor for my own life. every step forward in a relationship is taken through a leap of assumption that the other person already likes me. if it weren’t for hubris i would never talk to anyone ever. (insert cartoon of scooby doo or whoever walking over the edge of the cliff and keeping walking, and only falling once he becomes aware.) (on a second thought, i think this really is everything i have to say on this topic.)

7) jd salinger and howard zinn and how their deaths (as a double-impact shock) affected me even if salinger was 91 and i’d never heard of zinn before. concluding again that i want to be a storyteller rather than a historian.

my music 2009 (1)

decembrie 15, 2009

i’m so ready to get this year done with – also, i’ve had too much coffee today, so let’s go.

1. wilco – california stars : right after my late ’08 san francisco trip, still wondering what took me there & etc

2. interpol – rest my chemistry : dark thesis rewriting days, ugh. or, wow. i miss them

3. kate bush – army dreamers : don’t ask (don’t tell:)) – it was an anti-war-related thing, okay?

4.bonnie ‘prince’ billy – another day full of dread : I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS CREPT ITS WAY IN HERE. possible options: i was bored, sick and tired of everything. elizabeth was worried about my depression, into my face. practically come from work, eat, sleep, browse sites…oh wait. nevermind.

5. royskopp – what else is there: i had a huge obsession with this song, worsened by the idea that „this is not what i’d normally listen to” – i mean, what?! what difference does it make? it is now.

6.smog – i break horses: this, from the big „men are pigs/that’s why we love them” & „leonard cohen will never carry my groceries” collection of soulful and very angsty artsy music

7. metric – help i’m alive: see, some songs are me. i am some songs.

8. anja garbarek – beyond my control: i like how this sequence of songs really seems to start making sense now. the sense i have that i’m consolidating the story of this year, and i’ll seal it shut soon.

9. anna ternheim – to be gone : i was finishing my thesis draft, and this is possibly my „ana theme song”

10. anna ternheim- no subtle men: hahahahaha

11. anna ternheim – i say no : one of the ‘daria theme songs’ (it’s always easier with girls)

12. queens of the stone age – go with the flow: i was so limp and melancholic, til it drove me mad

13. london blackmarket – checkmate: i actually suspect my passion was helped along by the looks of the vocalist. but we’ll never know for sure, and i maintain the song is awesome and his voice also is special and…yeah. (also, an apt background music for ‘reprieve’, i mean)

14. against me! – we laugh at danger (and break all the rules) : THIS IS WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SING IF I WERE IN A BAND. i miss offspring, i freakin miss early green day and…uh-oh there was a band called h-blockx. god i might have to go NOW and youtube them. but in the meantime:

15. fleet foxes – white winter hymnal : a tiny sinister song. over and over, like waiting for the rain to stop cause otherwise you’ll die this second.or the next for sure.

16. antony & the johnsons – cripple and the starfish : yes yes yes exactly

17. lucinda williams – sweet side: i was house-sitting on the drive, and somehow everything was nice but nothing was meaningful enough…or something. like when you expect an epiphany and get a cup of tea. well epiphanies are overrated anyway.

so this was my winter/spring ’09.

what-actually-happened (nice things nov/dec)

decembrie 7, 2009

– late evening at elena’s before she went to the maritimes. i passed by hers and washed her dishes, after my tutoring+french. that was a completely booked day, man! when i arrived, 9+pm, i was all soaked, that was the rainiest time of nov., before it actually got cold…i was all in arms with backpack and laptop w/ adam’s newly downloaded music…so we jammed to that and my virtual elena dance mix (it’s gonna happen!) and we tried on hats and scarves (ok she was packing) and everything was loveliness and i got so little sleeeeepppp those days…

– one culture crawl night. like, nov. 20th? i love vancouver! this is such a cool thing it’s got going. the studio venues were awesome…i went with yael &birgitte, at one point it was raining sooo baddd, like, the worst night of the fall…lightning and that, which for vancouver is a rarity. also. previously at sonja’s, me getting ready for the cultural immersion carmen style, i.e. yeah, a joint? why not? and scotch? sounds quite good…huh it’s even drinkable…yay i’m getting tipsy…alright, now on to the crawl. it’s not bad of course (i mean not extreme), just kind of silly. and i sobered up real quick. most of the night spent at the parker 1000 studios, where i’d been once before, but not in a crawl crowd. watching yael interact with the artists, ogling the smallest objects of each exhibition, coveting buttons and affordable small pottery and woollen toys, not even thinking about the rest of the stuff. all in all a mess of colors and awesome snacks. (i named myself responsible w/ sampling every snack…that was a good deal)

– mmm have i ever mentioned the infamous joyland reading night? perhaps not. that was me publicizing the joyland readings just bc. my 2 favourite people-i-envy (rachel and alex) were reading. the reading itself was not as interesting as the friday night outing that…encompassed it. picture me arriving at sonja’s with the firm intention of getting drunk. wooops. now picture kevin egging me on. wonderful. and then…we went downtown, and because lora was at the reading too, there was a slight attempt of creating a „posse” …next we went to an art gallery where there was an exhibition of some sort…we ended up in a curtained-off empty room (like, a projection-type of thing, only nothing was on), me watching lora make friends with my former classmates…then actually, hilariously, having them tag along with *us* in search of a place to drink more. but it was only the 4 of us in the end, and i drank ginger ale and sulked gradually esp. after midnight because it’s fucked-up when everybody has a weekend the next day so they can’t sleep in and i don’t/can’t (remind me why friday nights are not a good idea -). but it ended up ok, i.e. i did not cry. i think i might’ve been close? what! we were talking about important things.

(the most hurtful thing anyone’s said to me this fall: „all make-up and ambition, no talent” – sonja on adam :)) )

– omg dinner with john!!!finally after months and months. well he’s had a tough year, but i sure hope to catch him again before i leave. this was pre-my second showing of „after homelessness”

-!!”after homelessness”!!! david diamond’s project, with actual actors from the DTES playing a script written by themselves about homelessness and related issues. with a follow-up where the audience interacts and can steer the conflicts…so wonderful. i’ll just say that i sent 3 people to watch the play…i went twice with yael (anfd joan), i listened to a webcast, so a third time, with alex l., and it’s been different and touching every time. so i’ll…put the link up?



but, on a 2nd thought: tommy joe ratttttlifffffff!!! you know what i mean???!?!?


– ok, last friday night, elizabeth’s concert @st augustine’s on the drive. finally. i haven’t been on the drive in the daytime in quite a while i’m realizing…duh, it gets dark at like 4.30 so by the time i’m off work, buh-bye daylight. anyway. it’s been fun. big table w/ lora and juliet and an early-days-internet friend of e’s straight from calgary. after which quite unexpectedly sonja, kevin and sean o. crashed the party. as in, really crashed the party. after they came it was all of a sudden less about the concert than about flirty written notes back and forth across the table. i mean, good fun, but uh-oh my attention span and range of interests.

that’s it.

life could be like this

mai 12, 2009

– wfuv.org – alternate side (from yael).


new songs on rotation, so after 4 days i already know some of them, but they’re good, and it all sounds so new and awesome, and it’s so easy to make me happy. really.

– finally, a free weekend day (sunday). it shouldn’t be such a big deal, i mean every day is just 5 hrs. work, and then a sprawling of obscenely spare time. but it was a big deal. at 8:30 i went into ‘cuppa joe’and read a globe&mail at the window, in the sun. so different. this week, i’ll have a sunday+monday free – victoria day – and i don’t mind it one bit.

– the sun. sometimes. it’s mid-may, alright? and still cold. and rainy. but then sometimes, like an afterthought, it gets sunny for a couple of minutes, just enough to keep me hoping. (the asshole boyfriend comparison, once it’s sprung to mind, will never go away 😦 )

– reading „the world is what it is” – v.s. naipaul’s biography. i want to keep reading but i want to not finish it, so i’ve been clinging to the last freaking pages, but i think it’s time to let go :). there will be other good books :). except, maybe i see people’s point about non-fiction, i.e. „this is real, this really happened.” extra reasons to be totally entrapped in the book: the immigrant status; how someone becomes a writer; how relationships are shaped by the fact that one of the partners is a big writer and probably necessarily a big asshole.

(more and more i feel it’s a choice between family/balance and writing. especially for a woman. i’m not saying it’s fair. i’m probably saying if i keep writing i’ll be alone. how did this core of bitter creep into my lovely nicey post? i’m saying one has to believe in what one does if that thing, and that person, are to stand a chance. not be equally diffident and apologetic about it, which is what i am at the moment. naipaul says : „the world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it.” and somehow i want to both gloss over and point to the blatant – but oh so natural in his time/circumstances – use of the word „men”.)

– one-day trip to s & k’s „land” on the island, finally. awesome boat ride, views, deer and seals, coating logs, and the pretty solid feeling, for an afternoon, that, yes, these things can be reached, ‘life could be like this’. yes, and then it rained.

the state of sonja’s home (1)

martie 13, 2009

ok, as it stands:

i binged on self-bought icecream (no damages to dishes) and sweet disgusting alcoholic stuff, i suppose the non-desirable type, so minus headache tomorrow (free day anyway) all’s fine. i missed the TWS reading though. oh well.

the yoga people pretty much behaved themselves – no legs flying in the air, just arms. i pulled the curtain though after dark, which is a thing i normally detest doing.

the cat ate v. little and scratched me once. not bad.i didn’t scratch her yet.

i got three phonecalls from various telemarketing surveying things, and at the peak of my feel-good evening actually answered one. i was totally articulate (they asked about brands of yoghurts).

now i’ve watched ‘survivor’ and half-watched ‘grey’s anatomy’ (am supposed to finish my story). i am currently listening to the news in french, but i’m not going to detail. basically recession, it’s very very ugly (etc). the cat is deigning to eat a bit more. i have somewhat activated the fireplace thing but it’s still damn cold.