(pitching my unwritten posts)

februarie 15, 2010

happy new year, people! well – it’s happy new chinese year by this time, but you know what i mean.

a vicious combination of busy+ lazy+  good weather+ impending changes vibe has unfortunately prevented me from ranting on here in 2010 so far. (i ranted in my diary instead – whatever works – also, haha, with good reason: you DO NOT  want to read that). but , before the ‘see you in montreal’ day, i’m thinking of trying this:

i’ll ‘pitch’ the things i would have written about, ~ twitter-length, for whoever is interested. and i promise to develop on them in a separate post each, but only upon request. (mmm actually very transparent way of checking who the hell is still reading this blog.)

okay: my topics.

1) again, why do we write? and, what to write about? addressing the impact ‘precious’ (the movie, and the sapphire book) has made on me, and tied in with dave eggers’ „what is the what”. how do artists as relatively privileged people get away with addressing painful issues from the point of view of the pained.

2) pro and anti olympics. yes, both. guilty and entertained, righteous and exploited and joyful and proud. lining up for free concerts, mouthing the canadian anthem. arguing about shane koczyan’s poem. attending protests, and blackout poetry projects, whatever that is. cheering for gold. ogling speed skaters.

3) sweet encounters – bacon cake, donut birthday cake, new year’s leftovers, bake sale as haiti benefit, and MUFFINS. desserts from the aching perspective of someone who finds it too hard to cook and too easy to overeat. obesity, balance, and having a good heart.

4) „i don’t care” is the most hurtful sentence in the english language. discussion, with concrete illustrations, and reflection upon how i use it to hurt others. possible translations/equivalences in romanian.

5) popcorn at the movies. this one’s about routines, cultural or otherwise. but mostly personal. how i laugh at others’ small addictions but i would freak out so fast to be deprived of mine. (on a second thought, i think it’s about that primarily: seeing a stranger’s tics with an unforgiving eye. the opposite of kindness – the opposite of topic 3)).

6) new place. moving out and moving in. testing squeaky floors:). plans for a new start, from wild hopes to resignation and back to color samples and garage sales. trying to sublet sight unseen. going with insight versus trying rationality. this is an ongoing ~thing and too close for comfort, but funny.

* walking on air as the most (over)used metaphor for my own life. every step forward in a relationship is taken through a leap of assumption that the other person already likes me. if it weren’t for hubris i would never talk to anyone ever. (insert cartoon of scooby doo or whoever walking over the edge of the cliff and keeping walking, and only falling once he becomes aware.) (on a second thought, i think this really is everything i have to say on this topic.)

7) jd salinger and howard zinn and how their deaths (as a double-impact shock) affected me even if salinger was 91 and i’d never heard of zinn before. concluding again that i want to be a storyteller rather than a historian.


decembrie 30, 2009





meta 3: not out of shame, but

septembrie 13, 2008

i scrubbed my name out of the „legion finally” post. just because i knew before it was the only place i’d used my name on this blog and so it was easy access for people who’d just google me. i’m fine with anyone having found it – i just feel sort of uncomfortable every time i go to my control panel and i’m shown how many times „legion finally” was read, since i know the exact reason why. i am sorry. i never meant to give people a wink-nudge sort of clue. it’s embarrassing when one learns as one goes along. so if you’re here because you know my name, and you want to stay, welcome. if not,oh well.

meta 2 : editing, censoring

mai 7, 2008

mind-blowingly weird. 1) matt found this blog. so i panicked a bit, and looked it over, a bit, then i went out and met yael, and told her about my new ‘problem’. 2) then, all of a sudden, (as if), i gave her the address. so then i come home again, and look the posts over again, and oh my god, how gossipy can one get?? i mean, really.

would i have written all that stuff knowing someone in van will read it? not a chance in hell!! should i erase it preemptively? i probably should, but i kinda decided not to. (i erased half a sentence all in all, and switched one sentence from english to romanian, that is all i did). i’m still trying to come to grips with the idea that this is a public place. so therefore i have to face the challenge, same way as my sixth grade Q&A notebook stood a chance to be found and opened by the teacher, or by some girl whose clothes i envied or whom i considered too bossy, and wrote about it…all that delicious cocktail of guilt and puzzlement. it is my element after all.

have i been truthful in these posts? to my knowledge, yes, as much as i can be. have i been fair? most certainly not. i entered vancouver inch by inch, as am intruder, describing it to people who probably (or i assumed so) share my views on certain matters, views that are not vancouver-like. i was being partisan, defiant, i was being watchful – the vancouverites HAD TO EARN MY GOOD OPINION. ( *only now i understand, i guess, what jeremiah wright meant when he said „i’m not divisive, i’m descriptive” : it’s basically my defense) and i basically won’t change any stupid thing in my previous posts, exactly because i trust any person here who has earned my good opinion to understand that.

although, another big question mark is – when someone enters ‘here’ by accident, how much do they read? i certainly do not expect anybody to go back, start from the beginning and go through all this mess, as i would, if i was interested. i know how much i speak/write, i think i’ve grown into the realization that any expressed thought of mine will look blurry, out of focus, will definitely be out of context for any outsider. no one has the time to give me all that time. if one person in the world had it, i would want to have their babies , notwithstanding :). whatever.

a last thing i hadn’t thought of: PR. in an age where people parse their facebook image, could my silly blog actually hurt someone’s chances in a job interview or smth, by having them mentioned in a casual way? i swear i hadn’t thought of it til yesterday, and i know i’m exaggerating. but, to wit: being read is a responsibility. being read by different kinds of people will clip off a bit of the wings, drain a bit of the juice. but hey: i’d rather be (more) thoughtful AND trusting, from today and continuing, than hord this blog as some sort of a secret.

rant over for now. (i’m still waiting for congratulations for the obama win, you. and yes i know CFR won the football thingie back home. do i care? moderately. if it makes lari, & my students happy, sure. ** sorry sorry cris. more proof that there’s not ‘one’ thing that will make ‘everybody’ happy.)


aprilie 23, 2008

no real beans, but i would just like to know who in this world gets to my humble blog by googling matt sarnecki. it’s the kind of question that sticks into my brain like a glass shard, because there’s really no relevance…and also makes me feel damn guilty for smth i’m not (or am i?), i.e peddling matt’s name, as if i should have let matt know every time i mention him (which turns out to be also impossible, since i mention him quite alot everywhere. anyway – )

ya, so you start smth without thinking, but then it gets you to think and retrace your steps. it’s smth i dislike about semi-anonymous blogging. a shade of dirt on my basement window to the world: should i start replacing all names by initials? should i stopit altogether? why? why? why? how much does it say about me anyway and how much does anyone care? no idea. i’ll just go and take a thorough shower.