my music 2009 (2)

decembrie 15, 2009

18.  sam cooke – a change is gonna come : i was seriously power-walking to this along false creek in april/may, in the evenings.

19. feeling good: because i’m a good girl, i’ll fill in with the muse version. i like adam’s better though. oh what the hell

20. of montreal – requiem for o.m.m.2

21. animal collective – summertime clothes : this and the immediate following are the result of a period when i was listening to wfuv radio pretty much non-stop

22. the futureheads – the beginning of the twist : a bit of FF that i detect in here? maybe??? i wish i knew my FF better

23. pj harvey&john parish – black-hearted love : love love love pj, doesn’t even matter what she does anymore. for real

24. k’naan – ABCs: in the vein of „i like anything with a good rhythm”- in lit. it’s structure. i think

25. talib kweli – get by : a.k.a the anthem of the creative writing MFA programe at UBC (oh, and fuck vevo :((

26. citizen vein – the circle : sorry for the  fanmade video, it’s the ~best thing i could find around. song is good!

27. lady gaga – poker face: rainy day at the mall. and still not shitty. shiny plastic miracle.

28. kings of leon – sex on fire : one month before adam said in an interview that this would be his entrance theme song. not that anyone has to mind me.

29. spring awakening (duncan sheik) – don’t do sadness

30. emmy the great – we almost had a baby: there was a short weird phase of uh-oh british vocalists going on here

31. adele – tired

32. adele – cold shoulder

33. la roux – bulletproof

34. elvis perkins – shampoo

35. alisan porter – the end song

this was my spring/summer. i just don’t have many words about it because i honestly don’t know or remember what i was doing, or supposed to be doing. but it ended, so.

to get this out of the way (of the real music post)

decembrie 15, 2009

this is a collection of youtubes for my favourite adam lambert songs off his album. just because i think it’s fair to not mix this into my separate „music of 2009” post. i am bad at defending…whatever, whatever, ok, here goes:

1. broken open (yeah i know what he said about not wanting to be political, but once you put it out there i’m sorry for you if you think you can stop this from happening. well not really.)

2. master plan (which totally shouldn’t have been a b-side dammit)

3. sleepwalker (ear.worm.sappy.ear.worm. and, some of the video i actually liked ngl)

4. sure fire winners (if i actually did power walks or morning workout)

5. fever (i love lady gaga more than i hate bad french okay)

OUT magazine issue – links to AL interview

noiembrie 17, 2009

best and at the same time most tl;dr interview i’ve ever!!! i mean, proportionally, i feel like it’s a bit like obama’s last march speech on the race issue, no disrespect to obama or to the race issue or to the gay issue or …whatever. it explained things to me, and articulated things about discrimination, barriers, evolving mentalities…and framed the personality of the ‘speaker’ in a very good manner. i do wish he would shut up sometimes, but then again, why?  i want to know what he’s got to say – and if it involves TMI, huh. okay, i am overwhelmed and have no original thoughts at this hour. but seriously! seriouslyyyyy!

part 1:

part 2:

rememberance and all that

noiembrie 11, 2009

time off for rememberance day, just enough to catch up and confirm i’m still alive. schedule change and generally preferring not to think about my life at the moment have made sure that i don’t update often…there are things going on…but now that i’m in my late evening post-nap slightly hysterical stage i.e. light-headed and pumped full of the new lady gaga video, maybe it’s not the best time for an update? well too bad.

since beginning of october i’ve been trying to place my writing time in the morning, i.e. i meet yael at ‘our town’ every day before work (7-9) and we have coffee and write…and bitch about ‘current events’ and about our own procrastination processes, and despair over the  chit-chat and idiosyncrasies of the  particular guy  sitting every damn morning in the armchair next to us  (he is kinda insane; so are we, but  hey, this is my diary not his, so shut up.)  really, this morning writing thing has been fun…for one, it makes sure i  am not late for work,because i’ve been already up and stretched and all that by the time i need to start.  secondly,  it will be good  writing material for later  on. i’m not kidding. [on one of the very first days  where the patterns were already clear: insane guy/air conditioning blowing in my face/ cranberry muffins/latte and hot chocolate art/rain –  i remembered  a diane diprima snippet i had read long long ago in the  beat reader about one whole  long winter in new york when she was  sitting in an armchair in her pad  staring at the ceiling eating only oreos.  it has that kind of vibe, when a thread exists that is not really…leading somewhere…but it’s  a spider-webby  journey of its own.]

yael moved, and her new place feels good. what i liked best about going there (twice, of which one on unloading day 🙂 is the sudden view of the house, the corner/lawn…maybe because it’s a corner and the place stands out, who knows the crazy connections my mind can make? but yeah. (i think i was insisting of picking my own small corner inside a nook in the living room…and my sticky note on the fridge. all these things.)

i refuse to think about moving.

halloween went by, no big fuss, thanksgiving was very good and home-y (dinner at sonia z’s, with pablo and her brother and elena – chicken instead of turkey, but the best chicken ever!!!!) and so was elena’s b’day this weekend (dance mixed tapes, three types of home-made muffins and borscht) and…i dunno, two rainy locutions…one poetry bash at the writers’ festival (carol ann duffy!!!! mild freakout pre- and  post-reading about getting to see freakin’ carol ann duffy! yael saw john irving but, oh well.) also, elizabeth had a concert at railway club which i sat through mostly chatting with lora in between acts and drinking cranberry juice, which (= the drinking of juice on a night out) i found hilarious and absolutely the way to go.

adam’s album is coming out soon and i’m glad i can legit like it. it’s been a mad ride, and great learning experience in case i ever want to do a ph d in fan communities, twitter impact, acronyms or slash fiction. otherwise, it’s taken up my evenings in a fuzzy pleasant fashion, occasionally exhilarating, for which i…ok, no comment.and there were a couple of mad mornings @6 and a night i didn’t sleep very well, when each of the singles leaked, and then again when the album snippets leaked. i…”have a lot of feelings”, okay? there are three or four songs there (or more) that i like, period. [<3 LINDA PERRY AND LADY GAGA AND ALISAN PORTER.] now i’m watching the chart climbing.

in obsession-related news: nobel peace prize = hahahaha. nobel literature prize (herta muller) =….mmmm, never heard of her? is that bad? US healthcare: wow. good luck with the senate vote, folks. US local elections: the saddest i was that night was probably about the democrats losing virginia – the maine gay marriage thing was still undecided but yeah – sad. just wait for the old generation to die and the kids to get to voting age. which again brings me to: i don’t know what’s happening in my own country. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN ROMANIA? HELP.

i am taking french classes and not really sure how much i’m improving. i mean on the one hand i do my devoir and that. and i attempt to speak in sentences and be a goody-two-shoes above average student. but currently being enrolled just gives me an excuse to not step up the grammar individual study (fucking using l’imparfait and the other stupid pefect simple which i seriously can’t grasp, which they have in all literary texts for narrative purposes). yes, i am disappointed w myself, but damn if i can handle it right now.

i read some amazing things. very short fiction anthology…short stories by nam le, who is awesome…a collection of feminist essays (hilarious), mostly off the batch i bought at the library book sale. also i got a pair of amazing jeans (= right now, my only pants that fit. sads.) and one of decent sunglasses at a clothing swap. and i got a leather jacket whose name is kitty. all these things have their own stories.

i’m doing alright in case you…just nothing is very deep right now. apparently i’m also avoiding talking about the NaNoWriMo project i’m writing on. it’s still just a matter of word count, of covering a lot of…space/time.


fun timeline

septembrie 9, 2009

apr 29 – hand in thesis

apr 29- may 20 – moping post-thesis/ waiting for potentially interesting guy to call. (in case you’re curious about that development: he doesn’t. end of story)

may 20- rest of summer and continuing: OMG ADAM LAMBERT


(?   !    ?  !   ? yes, i know, wtf)

july 31st – start collecting papers for extension of stay in canada (realize i could send application in same day if only i had a credit card. shrug.)

aug. 5 (ok, there was the long weekend in between) – papers collected

aug 6 – send application

aug 7- fuck! application is incomplete! have to wake up early to catch human person on phone at CIC, with instruction on how to send the missing paper; afternoon =send missing paper. breathe.

aug 10-17 – early mornings try to call CIC and find out if file is complete/when they’re dealing with it; fail to engage with humans

aug 17 – human on the phone from CIC (= immigration canada) says file will take around one more month in line, as at the moment they’re just opening files arrived first week of july. „please inquire again one month from now.” same human says she doesn’t know if a work permit would allow me to work in quebec. she says call quebec and gives me a number: it’s robots!

aug 17  – half an hour later – i give notice at my job

aug 18-30 – i tell everyone (including creepy person on the bus, AEGEE friends, random chat interlocutors, regular customers and co-op neighbours) bits of my sad story.

aug 19 – plane ticket bought for cluj

aug 19-28 – bits of random packing: bunching up clothes i want to give up; tearing papers; inventorying books. making lists.

aug 20-23 – i take online quizzes to determine my points for immigration from romania to canada/quebec (i have different scores for different quizzes. at least some of them look hopeful. i need french. i need a job offer.)

aug 27 – last day at work

aug 28- morning leave for seattle

aug 30 – arrive portland

aug 31 – email from ef. telling me work permit arrived in mail

sept 1 – i want to go back to cluj and visit; but then i want to return. this is plan A. i like it.

sept 1/2 – back in vancouver; plans A through D written down neatly. work permit turns out to be for 3 YEARS! SHIT!

sept 2 – morning – phone CIC. human voice!!! realize once i leave canada i need a visa for re-entry. complicated. but visa is formality. phone quebec. the person in quebec does not know whether i’m allowed to work in quebec or not. suggests i call CIC. i’m like, forget about it! i have fun day out, all serene and shit.

sept 2 – evening – mum agrees with anything, as long as i go home ; i say i’d have to resign from sincai, she’s like ok, whatever. then suddenly : „your father’s not very happy here” BOOM

sept 2/3/4 – argue; break for sleep; argue; break for lunch; argue; break = can’t sleep; argue; break for a nap (nightmares); argue.

sept 4/5 night: sort of an ultimatum. „flip the coin” moment. i do not flip the coin. because i do not fucking need to flip a coin. ok?

sept 5 – morning – yes, i catch another human voice at CIC. human voice says yes, an open work permit allows you to work in quebec. any other questions you had? NO! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!

sept 5 – evening – write resignation email to school/send it.


eat. sleep.

walk. eat. read women’s mags. throw torn papers. sleep.

sept 8 – got shitty job back.

the future is ours.


= one more week of holiday. actually staycation but who cares

= no jet lag

= cancellation of all possibly teary goodbye drinks&such : replacement with non-teary non-goodbye drinks

= sonja gets to buy me the hat! yes i hereby demand the hat. hat hat hat hat hat

= writing!! readings!! writers’ festival (i get to see richard ford !!!! <3)

= montreal ’10. wait: matt in montreal ’10 🙂

finally montreal (4)

iunie 23, 2009

day 8 (june 9)- starts around midnight really, when my new roomie e. bursts into the room and wakes me up, and then we have a like 3 hr chat about our respective backstories. she’s from new hampshire, back from a…sojourn, y/y? in quebec city and stopped for the night bc she realized she didn’t have her passport on her so…yah. crossing the border suddenly iffy. she’s one of those annoying ppl who look mid-late 30s at 45, and is doing a M.Ed. in teaching creative writing. i mean ok, it’s a bit of a weird coincidence, but not THAT weird, considering that 70% of the people i know right now do some form of writing. anyway. more interestingly, she was doing local journalism covering the primaries last year, and got to see all the candidates at pretty close range. now that i find fascinating:). so in the morning we again wake up 8-ish and get out of room past 10, she wants to go to her consulate, i desperately want to check ontd_ai at this point, for my adam fix, and then catch a free jewish movie at the segal center on a street i’ve no idea how to get to. (yes, it is on the map yay). also, it’s fucking rainy and cold, and i would basically sell this day  for hot tea and blankets and girly t.v. but, a minor karma gift, when i check the net the ‘rolling stone’ interview bits have been leaked. definite mood improvement.

the segal center turns out easy to find and e. said she’d join me at some point during/after film. so i chat with an endearing old jewish lady, totally fierce, who scolds me for not speaking french and spanish even if i have a spanish name (o_o, she gave me her email, when i start contacting these ppl, no way i’m leaving her out) anyway. movie time. e. shows up, and then we embark in her car (full of holiday recycle, but with awesome stickers) and go in search of good place to have lunch. ‘rumi’ – close to fairmont – hah, had actually been recommended to me before. so it’s moroccan cuisine, which means some chicken with nuts, and rice, in some form, and almond-flavored pudding and actually the hot tea of my previous request. all through this it keeps raining, but then not so much, so we take a walk around the block and in a corner there’s some filming being done for a t.v. show. and then e. leaves, and that’s it.

dinner at rj’s. actually, at his ex-bf’s place upstairs. and under the same pretext of, uuuh, it’s cold and rainy and i need comfort, i gorge myself on tea+cookies and everything that is offered, basically. and sit back and pet the cat. and it does occur to me that this day went by effortlessly, naturally, as if i were already living in montreal. though i did get lost again, in the rain, walking the wrong direction from the pl. st. henri stop – there’s something about that neighbourhood that simply confuses me.

day 9 (june 10) i try to check my duties off the list, like a good kid that i am. i need to eat souvlaki, so i go and have souvlaki for lunch. finally on st. laurent//laval. outside, to make the most of the sun again. the deal somehow includes soup, and coffee and cake, which puzzles me a bit. and the place is empty, except for a girl who’s  – on her own – celebrating herself on her birthday (and she lives in montreal!) and so 4 people of the staff sit down next to us outside for their own lunch. so much fun.

and in the evening i finally do the free tour of the contemp. art museum. yay. i’m going to link to the presentation of robert polidori’s expo, because i don’t know how to talk about otherwise. so, yes, go check it.

day 10 (june 11) i will take a paragraph to mention the ridiculous sandwich i had at ‘santropol’, where sonia z. sent me and i do see why: brown-brown bread, with cheese + honey + peanut butter + nuts and raisins and banana bit, aaand a lettuce leaf and maybe avocado? and on the outside of the arrangement: freash cucumber slice, pickled cucumber slice, melon slice, quarter of orange, carrots and hot pepper. it did look fabulous. and it’s just one on a list of like 15 weird combos (ham/mint jelly, cheese /chives /pineapple), and that’s just the sandwiches. i hear soups are also fantastic. and desserts – though, how was my sandwich NOT a desert? also the place looks good – interior backyardy terrace with a little fountain and mexican-ish decor. oh well to that – but overall pretty cool.

apart from this – shopping spree. seriously, all the cheap enough bits on sale at ‘simons’ and GAP and all the ridiculous small afterthoughts and cards and blah. with one mention that i need to make: do you guys know how much self-control it took me in order to not buy silvery sandals, silvery bag, all-glittered black top, huge rings with colored stones, silver tights, gloves with cut-out fingers, the works? it’s not even funny. f. said at one point „i want to have stuff again”. whatever the exterior reason, and the other pent-up things at work there, i want to have my things again. and style again. so yes i have to dissuade myself from purchasing 14 y.o.- appropriate tidbits from time to time. all in the service of the greater good of getting settled, and starting to build up.

some days i can’t wait – to move, to move on. some other days i get to the awakward point of acknowledging (same as with the desire for silver bags) that this is OBVIOUSLY just a stage. and what if mtl won’t rise up to the hype? well, what then? something else will. *sigh*. and i’ve always thought of myself as constant, loyal. predictable.