my 2008 through songs (2)

decembrie 15, 2008

(continued) i am too pissed to figure out now exactly why my links won’t link, or why the font of my post changes midway through the text…i might fix that later, i might not. i would bet on the ‘not’. but moving on,



i was on the plane back from romania, across the atlantic. imagine listening to this in flight. with your eyes closed. or/and, imagine: „today is a day for someone else/ this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else.”


this is from matt, close to his birthday, but before i started working. i was settling in the new place, taking walks by the ocean and exploring the surroundings of main. sunny september mornings, good times. also, from about the same days:



obviously, juno soundtrack. but they’ll also remind me forever of my day painting the walls at elena’s, right after david foster wallace died. how can that happen? well. memory is a very complicated thing.


i was writing with yael at prado, on a friday afternoon:). i had no idea who the band were or what song. so i asked.

and in the following, you’ll see what one gets when one moves in with a musician: a bunch of good songs to be obsessed with:

24. PALYA BEA – ZOLD AZ ERDO (elizabeth calls it the gypsy anthem. it’s from tony gatliff’s ‘transylvania’.)

25. LHASA – LA CONFESSION – bad youtube version; but oh how i love french!!!



28. GANG OF FOUR – DAMAGED GOODS (possibly song of the season. no comment needed.)


not sure what put me onto my short wilco stage; could be yael’s doing…anyway yael, you’ll be happy (maybe not) to find out that wilco (based in chicago :)) are rahm’s favourite band. not that i knew this at that time.


hmmm, how can you tell that in sept-october i used to spend all my thursdays and spare afternoons at prado, hearing various songs and then looking them up on youtube? yep. ‘the organ’ is a vancouver band (local pride yay).


minimalism is amazing. (and this is a facebook + prado song).


not only a victory song; though i admit, this is what it primarily was to me. i do see, though, that the text is ambiguous – that it shows the character on edge, and not necessarily cocky. he is damn frightened, but/and making a commitment. that’s what i think everytime i hear the lyrics. (and he fucks things over too, probably; i wish i knew really who the song was written about.)


here we go – the dark, fumbling part of my autumn, a.k.a ‘the fall’. brilliant song, no?

and then, for a split second, i fell in love:



on the record: i do believe that seeing a friend take a different path from yours and knowing there’s nothing you can do about it is the best excuse for ending the world in a holocaust.


because i’m not the only one, obviously :). i hope he gets and keeps a huge following, so the band can do a nice video/recording.


as i was saying – political songs are hard to get right, but when you strike a chord, keep striking it.



and, really, really, really, you should hear this. but you can’t, yet, cause the album’s only coming out in april.


(„there’s a new day coming/i can feel it in my bones/but what that day brings/i prefer to leave unknown”- or smth.) scary good stuff.


transitioning: obamarahma

noiembrie 9, 2008

ok, but it could have been over. i could have been in the position of those obamazombies ‘the onion’ talks about (harder to do with a semi-job+writing to do, but yeah). who rediscover the emptiness of their lives now that the campaign’s done. look how obama’s brilliance saved me from that!

(paranthesis: you know those dickish boyfriends who keep a girl hanging on? sure you do. whenever she -hysterically or not- threatens to go, the douche will do a half-assed nice gesture. not more than is necessary. by which i’m NOT implying anything about obama, of course, but everything about the perversity of life. esp. for obsessives.)

i have 2 words for you guys: rahm emanuel.

the new (‘designated’) white house chieff of staff. i’d learned about him before, a little, during the primaries, but didn’t stop then because i was still reading about barack a lot, and the race was on. well, on wednesday, it was rahm emanuel time. honestly if i hadn’t thought the guy looks absolutely hot, who would have bothered to check all the articles ever published about him 🙂 on the internets? really now. (also, this is the most unfortunate way to prove to myself again that whatever interest i have in obama is not really, wholly, a ‘crush’. ! 😦 )

but whatever. the administration of The Cool. emanuel’s story is truly fascinating, i mean even if he was old and disgusting. (* way better than the fiction books i’ve been reading lately, and i guess i should consider as mitigating circumstances that a) ondaatje annoyed me immensely; b) i’m getting interested in anecdotics etc, and the emanuels are all divas) it’s going to be one hell of a white house, if it starts like this. at least look up a good photo of him on huffpost, current page…of course part of me would like to assure everyone of the complexities of my sudden admiration, by sending you to read long articles, interviews etc. in chicago tribune and wsj etc. to see what i mean. the realistic part sighs and gives it up. but no shrug. i will never shrug about rahm emanuel:).

climax of my year 2: yes. we. did.

noiembrie 9, 2008

this week. tuesday, november 4.

versus the rest of the week, and the year.

it’s not change. change is not like that. i don’t feel more triumphant these days. maybe i feel nicer: because since wednesday morning i’ve probably smiled non-stop at work, my cheeks hurt, plastered in a rictus. sometimes it goes down cause i’m tired, but reappears in the instant of interaction: i thank everyone for everything. i get teased and complimented on my smile. but there is not an abruptness to it, as in yesterday i was sad today i’m happy. i’m probably not even happier: i „knew” we were going to win before, right? and obama is still guarded by the secret service and basically under threat non-stop, right? and victories fizzle out, and ok, maybe this is a short honeymoon but we all know what happens to honeymoons.

i’m not sure if people (and which people) expect an account from me on what i did and felt on that night, the cnn projections, the crowds. it’s simple: i don’t know what i felt. it was good because i could scream. i screamed a lot. in the yaletown brewery i positioned myself at the bar, under the screen, in a completely full room. in non-fiction i spent the last hour of the course with nadia’s laptop on my knees, after kinda announcing i wouldn’t be participating in the workshop. i let loose, and it was good while it lasted. but i was noticing myself doing what i assumed was expected of me. i noticed myself gasping, facebooking people from the bar, jumping sites to check maps, yelling stuff about senate races, talking to americans, hugging the only kenyan in yaletown (who, of course, was tearing up) but it was ok, because. we were winning. why not?

my voice almost went, and it was raining. after 4 beers, on the skytrain, the science world lights swung by dangerously close, and i was alone. who is the ‘we’ in yes we can, yes we did? downtown vancouver knew there was a president-elect obama, and they kept on their way to clubs, they kept walking in groups, soberly, chattering lightly. no one outside of yaletown jumped up or embraced someone next to them. and when i asked for directions, with my delirious eyes, and my smile, they didn’t even smile back. i wanted to put my tongue out at them, or take a stick and beat them. i knew in DC people were shouting at the white house gates, i knew in grant park they were trying to prolong the moment, later i saw youtubes of dancing in the streets in seattle. running on commercial in the rain, to sonja’s, i wanted to be in the US. (*not then: in general. it’s the US that i want – in the good moments and the bad). then a guy selling books under an arcade (at 11 :)), and i couldn’t help myself and asked. „you know obama won?” and he said yes, and nooded at me smiling, finally. a group was coming down and they cheered and gave me a high-five. further – empty. a girl on a bike passed by and looked at me and mouthed ‘obaaamaa’, but lightly, almost a whisper. i entered, and sonja poured me champagne.

i woke up smiling every day since. my boss gave me hot oatmeal to repair my voice. i smiled collecting newspapers from tables, folding them with the first family picture neatly on top. i thought about it long – the moment of the speech – and discovered i hadn’t cried. at all. lots of people cried for joy: apparently i only cry for sorrow. (cecilia, the boss’s wife, looked at one of the huge pictures, and what she had to say was, „poor guy, his grandma died”.) i see obama’s face, tired and deeply lined, his posture the moments before he spoke. somehow it makes it harder in retrospect to see what the cheering or the crying was for. the guy freakin’ just got himself a job. (and no, i’m not cynical. i’m trying to be…nuanced?…)

whatever. my point is that i understand elation, but when it lasts more than a few minutes it’s harder to understand. so i feel good. we’re better positioned for the US to get well under an obama administration. (again, what am i doing in the ‘we’??) and tuesday night was not the purpose for me. i’m still in it. for the serious and non-serious reasons. mumbling „president-elect obama” from time to time, tasting it like soft icecream. reading about the first presser, the cabinet, looking forward to jan 20 and beyond. it’s the only way i can adopt a country, apparently. by being a freak about that country, while i’m someplace else. (and yes it’s all my illusion & wishful thinking, thank you very much.)

but from now on it will be harder for me. silenter. i can’t expect any canadian, hell, any american, to keep up with these things as much as i’ll keep keeping up. i understand that the election caused interest (though, i mean, ‘canadian enthusiasm’ is after all an oxymoron), and that is over now. nevertheless. („yes we did” sounds way sadder than „yes we can”). but yes, we still can. it’s a fine beginning my friends.

short sp

septembrie 4, 2008

(of the „i can’t help it” kind)

just to say what i think sarah palin is doing out there with her candidacy, and speech and all: she has absolutely no illusion they’ll win. but she will never, ever back down, she’ll not let herself be recalled even if after this they’d want to force her out.  i think she’s  simply taking advantage of the chaos  in that party  to make herself known.  obviously she says what is asked of her, but when all is done and gone, who will have better profited from this whole debacle? who will be a new,  ‘fresh’ face  for national conservatism?  oh well.

did this even deserve a post? just because it’s been all around lately. i think she’s totally interesting, what i’m looking at is how predictable she is.


iunie 7, 2008

to paraphrase a popular political figure, i thought this day would never come.

but it has. (just listening to hillary concession right now on CNN and to nas’ „black president” on the computer… yay bittersweetness.)

also, i’m officially a member of a fieldhands group (i still have the butterflies:)), „fieldhands abroad”, and getting in touch with other addicts in BC. which is good. (* i’ll link ‘the field’ as well, though i do doubt you guys are even checking these sites out, i have to say.)

except i have to go on with the writing, and believe me, other things ARE happening…i have declared next week „administrative week” before i leave for NYC, and god it’s going to be busy. but maybe i can get a post or 2 edgeways.

ok, it’s weird. i really don’t know. it’s not bad though, not bad. i mean, just the fact that i can only bring myself to write political should tell people who know me smth about an undercurrent…that i feel things maybe mending a bit, in their own slow, coiling way; that it’s sunny outside (when it doesn’t rain), that i’ve been writing in cafes with yael and eating lora’s food and other smallish things that happen, maybe not so often, but which i will remember as lovely regularities.

on the blog administration side, i’ve linked lora’s blog here; if you want a feel of vancouver check it out, because she does it better than any other vancouverite i know. to me, vancouver is barely more than air –  wind and seafoam and suspension; but i do see, even if i can’t feel it, that there are roots here too. it is a weird feeling, like eating sprouts, or marshmallows, and trying to acknowledge that there must be a flavour. i’m sure i’ll miss sprouts back in cluj though. oh well.

o happy day

iunie 4, 2008

as any one uncontextualized moment, the day of today actually kinda sucks. i’m feverish, have to fight off an acneic outburst, have eaten too much and written close to zero, i’ve spent 12+ hours checking for superdelegates every 10 minutes etc etc. also south dakota was kind of a downer, but hey.

when you see it in context it’s glorious, and makes me want to have children so i can tell them all about it. (obama ’08! etc. – i had to say it, no?)

number crunchers/ electoral euphoria

mai 30, 2008

a) this primary season i’ve found a lot of ‘idols’:) among the political junkie pool. such smart, dedicated people. i remember one day telling lora (with a sulk in my voice) how al giordano was in vancouver and i didn’t get to see him (actually i was telling her how he subsequently complained about smoking being prohibited in vancouver hotels:)) – but really, these people are to my mind of a totally different sphere than me. i could post anytime on DKos or the field, but i’ve got solidified into shyness and i’m not starting now. the point of this blabbering here is my happy surprise to find out today who the totally mythical poblano is. poblano rose to absolute fame in this sector:) this primary, by making predictions on percentages state by state…he’s got a blog called 538 and also writes on DKos…today he outed himself as being a baseball writer, initiator of some sort of a statistical system for baseball not dissimilar from what he does in politics. the news just made my morning…i couldn’t say why…of course there’s the underlying idea that these brilliant people are gathering for a good cause…

b) first it was the obama fellowship grants (please don’t tell me the primaries aren’t over yet! i think they are!). a string of lucky ‘fellows’ announcing on the blogs i read…exchanging info about which states would need them most (the O campaign is training them in getting out the vote and other organizing stuff)…now that they’re coming to terms with it, everybody’s starting to freak out about going to denver to the convention. there are a number of credentialed blogs, which will report from the floor…people with a reputation of sorts are doing blog fundraising for denver…lay persons are talking dividing gas money and crashing on other lay persons’ couches…i love it i love it i love it. and there’s 3 months to go…