life could be like this

– wfuv.org – alternate side (from yael).

http://www.wfuv.org/audio/stream.html

new songs on rotation, so after 4 days i already know some of them, but they’re good, and it all sounds so new and awesome, and it’s so easy to make me happy. really.

– finally, a free weekend day (sunday). it shouldn’t be such a big deal, i mean every day is just 5 hrs. work, and then a sprawling of obscenely spare time. but it was a big deal. at 8:30 i went into ‘cuppa joe’and read a globe&mail at the window, in the sun. so different. this week, i’ll have a sunday+monday free – victoria day – and i don’t mind it one bit.

– the sun. sometimes. it’s mid-may, alright? and still cold. and rainy. but then sometimes, like an afterthought, it gets sunny for a couple of minutes, just enough to keep me hoping. (the asshole boyfriend comparison, once it’s sprung to mind, will never go away 😦 )

– reading „the world is what it is” – v.s. naipaul’s biography. i want to keep reading but i want to not finish it, so i’ve been clinging to the last freaking pages, but i think it’s time to let go :). there will be other good books :). except, maybe i see people’s point about non-fiction, i.e. „this is real, this really happened.” extra reasons to be totally entrapped in the book: the immigrant status; how someone becomes a writer; how relationships are shaped by the fact that one of the partners is a big writer and probably necessarily a big asshole.

(more and more i feel it’s a choice between family/balance and writing. especially for a woman. i’m not saying it’s fair. i’m probably saying if i keep writing i’ll be alone. how did this core of bitter creep into my lovely nicey post? i’m saying one has to believe in what one does if that thing, and that person, are to stand a chance. not be equally diffident and apologetic about it, which is what i am at the moment. naipaul says : „the world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it.” and somehow i want to both gloss over and point to the blatant – but oh so natural in his time/circumstances – use of the word „men”.)

– one-day trip to s & k’s „land” on the island, finally. awesome boat ride, views, deer and seals, coating logs, and the pretty solid feeling, for an afternoon, that, yes, these things can be reached, ‘life could be like this’. yes, and then it rained.

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