the state of sonja’s home (1)

martie 13, 2009

ok, as it stands:

i binged on self-bought icecream (no damages to dishes) and sweet disgusting alcoholic stuff, i suppose the non-desirable type, so minus headache tomorrow (free day anyway) all’s fine. i missed the TWS reading though. oh well.

the yoga people pretty much behaved themselves – no legs flying in the air, just arms. i pulled the curtain though after dark, which is a thing i normally detest doing.

the cat ate v. little and scratched me once. not bad.i didn’t scratch her yet.

i got three phonecalls from various telemarketing surveying things, and at the peak of my feel-good evening actually answered one. i was totally articulate (they asked about brands of yoghurts).

now i’ve watched ‘survivor’ and half-watched ‘grey’s anatomy’ (am supposed to finish my story). i am currently listening to the news in french, but i’m not going to detail. basically recession, it’s very very ugly (etc). the cat is deigning to eat a bit more. i have somewhat activated the fireplace thing but it’s still damn cold.

no reprieve

martie 10, 2009

1) i’m supposed to house-sit this (i.e. coming) week, i.e. approx. ‘move’ to commercial drive. ok, so it feels pretty odd. last night i was trying hard to fall asleep, and (of all things!) missing my bed back in cluj  (not the bed per se, probably; the  unique, single-minded, proprietorial?? dunno – way that i used to curl in there, under the covers, in my ‘dias  del mes maya’  t-shirt), feeling the sky loom very close. you know, just the idea that that is gone.  that is gone. then  today it snowed. then it got better, but still freakin cold. the sun glinting through windows, onto the walls, at 7 p.m. feet flailing in the air in the yoga studio place across the street from sonja’s.

2) i’m supposed to graduate in may. i’ll say it again: i need a new title. ok, that’s not all i need. i need to rewrite parts of the damn thing. but, bottom line, i am allowed to graduate, and so it shall be it’s over – you know? – over; and time for the „so what will you do next?”; i mean, i can’t even be angry when i get asked that.

3)i’m writing a story about new york. it’s an odd thing. my past and my future and what i want out of places, and how expectations confront…well, observations. i’m pretty sure everyone who’s listened to me speak on the topic has an idea bout what i mean (which is probably better and more luminous than the story will turn out, IN CASE the damn story turns out at all). anyway, i want to mention miranda july, the DNC, the 9/11 commemoration tiles, brooklyn social, the red hook waterfront, maybe even the hungarian pastry shop – i mean, why the hell not. anyway, this is what i’m occupying my mind with in order to distract myself from…you know, the other things.

4) the other things.

i smile when…

martie 4, 2009

(or rather grin insanely, or laugh real loud…oh well pretty much all day long except when i’m asleep, depressed or annoyed at someone else in the room being sparklier than me. yes.) but mostly, these days, i smile when:

– people bring their kids to the restaurant. i flail almost daily over little maria and her sis of small-pancakes- fame, +ishmu, ruys,jack, the polite chinese kids, the kid who climbs on the back of the sofa, and a couple of others.

– i read rahmbamarama. invariably.sometimes stuff on other sites too, or statuses or such

– shannon w. talks about her dates or the people at her gym

– the dog comes running from the other room because he’s smelled my oranges/yoghurt

– certain regulars talk to me; there’s a guy who calls out „hello, smiley!” every time – how can i not smile?

– i chat with matt or cristina, or when sonja wallpapers my facebook wall because she won’t go on fb chat

– i get out of my room in the morning and it’s either a)a sunny day and i work, or b)a rainy day and i have school

– i arrange the newspapers on the rack, with the biggest obama pictures facing up

– i remember funny stuff (duh) (again, at any point during the day)

– i manage to make my interlocutor smile/laugh; i mean hello, should i also include „when someone says something funny”? is that not obvious?

– sometimes i smile walking in the street, at people, mostly willing them to smile back – which they usually do.

(thanks ralu for the tag)

like a starfish

martie 1, 2009

i do want to be better, and do better.

last night i dreamt of someone (a friend) telling me that my blog sucks of late, that it’s whiny and totally non-helpful to anyone or anything. in my dream i appreciated being told. and it’s true: i started this with a half-aim of being informative to some degree, and positive, mostly. (i think there’s a certain shelf-life to these entreprises…well, it doesn’t mean one’s got to stop trying.)

i want to live here, as if i lived here and not as if i were in transit or on a stop on the way to montreal or to elsewhere. because i truly don’t know what will happen. i want to care about the people here as if they could hurt me for real. i want to go to all the parties. instead i am on the internet, disputing the difference between nostalgia and longing.

easy: nostalgia is for others.