ianuarie 31, 2009
it is again time to be very sad. there we go. i don’t even have anything by way of explanation. it felt pretty good, and now it doesn’t anymore. ok? and you never, ever, get to believe that it will go away and everything will be fine again. because, how do you know that? just because it happened last time? and how long did that last? ah. exactly.
well it’s not as i’m i’m leaving innumerable unconsoled readers behind.
ianuarie 21, 2009
may the disenchantment be not quick, not deep, not tragic.
ianuarie 19, 2009
this is a bit too much. i don’t think i can do a proper blog right now.
january (not a favourite with me) is always about regurgitating defeat and re-closing (my) eyes to evidence, and mustering the needed optimism to drag on. (in other words, hope for change or somesuch). i mean, not very epic. and all in my head, and all the same. so, i mean, why?
ok, these days: trying to finish draft (= redigesting 2004-07. not pretty.); trying to write a story placed in 1990 (= sandi belle and cotton underwear and factories. not pretty at all. plus i’m probably not finishing it in time, as i see; plus, i am on a total arrogance down); having insane chat conversations with my ‘male friends’ (=insane). not managing to actually meet and talk to ANY vancouver person, although plans are being made furiously, and ineffectively. reconnecting through facebook with totally unexpected ‘lost’ people, who…i mean, i don’t know. i don’t. i might be taking facebook too seriously (= college years. totally did not need to be reminded of THAT.). also, inauguration inauguration inauguration, there!
thanks god for : a) the weather (i guess? in cluj i would be dead); b) deciding things, and my track, for me (this is intended to be an ironic statement); c) my being aware that crying on new year’s day DOES NOT trump being bitten by a dog on new year’s day (i.e. i’ve had it worse).