:) :(

august 31, 2008

the most pragmatic and hilarious, not even looked for, definition. just popped right up.it’s khalil gibran, apparently. it does not tell me how i should proceed though. but others told me. others did,

„your friend is your needs answered.”

my own

august 31, 2008

– place at the livingroom table, with a view to the downtown skyline (right now it’s purple, indigo and cornflower blue) and BC Place, the hedgehog of lights;

-laptop (it’s a secondhand; of course it is. waiting for suggestions for a name!!! it’s an old mac, a bit glued,  very little scratched, worth my current rent for a month, from what i’m told.)

-roommate (ef); also my own current address, i guess

– route for jogging (still haven’t tried, but am pursuing it)

in other news: i am reading persepolis, went to a thai dinner last night, plus dessert (was scolded for having dessert in the evening – :)), still do not have cellphone, job or advisor, j’ai pas du temps pour ce jeu – (is this correct?), am still following politics furiously, am less and less confident in a win – because. i went to point grey beach, just for an „i’m better off now than i was last year” moment. sunny today, T-shirt day. bubbles of funny frivolous fluffy thoughts shine and break under my lashes. so trite. trite but true. i’m eating crackers. yes, i’m still drinking coffee every morning. i am still jet-lagged.


august 24, 2008

eggplants – fried eggplant smell – purple – violet. bicycle. the oil stains, the creak of the wheel. dogs – the pink lolling of a dog’s tongue, the fur, dog smell. wooden stairs underfoot past midnight. on the window, fields of yellow plants i don’t even know if they’re flowers. sweat, pebbles. heat, everything trembling in it. some kind of pressure. the little moment after darkness falls when you think (when i think) wow, this is perfect – and want to light up, before i forget about it; realizing i have no idea about the name of those white flowers, scented only at night – so i wouldn’t even be able to tell any native english-speaker bout it. realizing i’m gone. how many houses do i have? (smile) how many homes? y’all know i bruise easily. but then, everybody tries to protect me in the exact areas i don’t need protection. merci beaucoup, but could you could you could you just pay attention to me please? specially when i say i want to be left alone. the whirr the bike makes when i take it back to the startline, to go again. i’ve never been able to learn a thing. we keep waiting for the VP :at night, when it’s afternoon, i’m all over the sites. in the morning, when it’s past midnight, i’m taking another look. (i want kaine! or sebelius!) my cousin’s the best trivia player in this country (which is saying a lot), she’s all hooked up to talking to those smart boys who know the tricks on every trivia site, who do wonders in programming and cracking codes. she breaks her own records time after time, i just want time on her computer, i don’t need anything specific. so we’re testy, so we feel we’re being owed something. so we’re both 16 suddenly, and end up eating too many chips and listening to summer hits and trading highschool gossip. and then, suddenly, when you’re thinking of other things, it happens (but i knew that already, because all stories go this way) – it happens painfully incrementally, it happens / is happening every moment. we’re the ones we’ve been waiting for. i go out of the gate with the bike, my feet go, it moves. and also, it’s biden. hah? was i expecting that? i adjust my mind, i blink for however long it takes, and i knew it all along. it was fate. one can do whatever one wants to, if it’s only up to them. every thing is only as important as i make it out to be. over this one week, the last week, i’ve written nothing: i read vonnegut, and i read about 3 trashy paperbacks and i read „baise-moi”, and at times i just think i’m so smart and on the right track. („i’ll tell you what the human soul is […]it’s the part of you that knows when your brain isn’t working right.”)

bistrita, on august 4

august 4, 2008

these are good days. two months doing nothing is hard to accomplish, so i think i should take at least some credit for it. it’s hard to measure or weigh all that’s been building up. here, i never go outside alone, but i make my parents go out (and drive) more; maybe that’s a plus. also, a new meme bout me is that i’m a person with no appetite (a little exaggerated, but that’s that). also, lots of time down the drain remembering french words that i might have seen at some point before, but never knew consciously. also, planning my year ahead, in spite of (or just because of) the many many variables and fears. if all i’m writing now is a joke, it calls for laughing. at points, i stop, stunned of how little i’ve accomplished in a lifetime, or more precisely how little of what i’ve got in store is defined, or aimed at something (of course, it’s obama’s birthday, my life would only pale by comparison 🙂 ). here you go: eat vegetables, smile to people, breathe in, breathe out, and that’s it. very few days after a (pretty medium comparatively, but they’re more seldom now, so it counts) crying+yelling crisis, totally foolish duuuh, life is easy to take. easy in the „if only i hadn’t acted stupid” way, but whatever. more and more myself, as i was saying.